It was after the reaping now and Jack was feeling kind of … numb. Mostly through the whole thing he’d been trying to catch his girlfriend’s attention, but either she couldn’t or she wouldn’t look up to him. But, even if it was something he’d never admit, he needed her. He’d gone through saying his goodbyes to his parents, to Bobby, when he caught sight of the familiar blonde. Immediately he made his way to her, but it seemed she still wasn’t looking at him properly. He put his hands up, resting them on her shoulders and slightly encompassing her, a frown furrowing his brow.
“It’s okay,” he tried to reassure her. “I’ll make sure it’s okay.”
No response from her that he could see, but he needed to see her face again. One more time just in case … Well, as much as he said he was going to make sure it was okay, he more meant in a providing for her way rather than coming back. He wasn’t stepping into the arena without a will to survive, but at the same time he was just being realistic.
“Em, when I … go, don’t think you have to …” he started, licking his dry lips as his calm began to desert him a little - though only really obvious to those who knew him well. Then he cycled round on a different tact, realising that even if he was going off to his death, breaking up with her probably wouldn’t help them now. If he died … well that would solve that problem for him. “I mean … keep an eye on Bobby for me? I … didn’t tell you before … but I had to sign up for umm, you know, tessera the last few years. If I don’t come back … I don’t want him to sign up.” He didn’t really know why he was telling his girlfriend this - maybe because there was just silence, or because he couldn’t make her all the promises he wanted to but couldn’t be sure to keep - but it was important to him.
His voice running dry, Jack looked at Em’s bowed head, expression plainly pained now. Sliding a hand to her cheek, he left it there. “Please just … look at me,” he pleaded. He needed to see her face before he left to have an image to take to the Capitol with him. But when she did look up he realised that her silence and stance had only been attempts to protect him from her tears. The water loosened itself from her eyelashes as she shifted her head up to look at him, a tear running down her cheek and over his thumb. Jack watched it, but didn’t wipe it away - it felt like a connection.
“I’m so sorry,” he mumbled, pulling her towards him, kissing the top of her head, even though his body felt as numb as it did when he heard his name called.
